I’ve Got A Cool Tat

As we all know, my exams are coming up soon. Or more like, it’s tomorrow. So I was revising Chemistry (I prefer to call it alchemy which sounds more magical, very much unlike the education system), and I wrote down the electrochemical series on my left arm because that helps me memorise things. I can be taking a dump and there it is, on my body, without having me worrying about getting poopy germs onto my notes and then pass it on to my teacher and then the whole student body and then have the whole school shut down by the health board. Which, on hindsight, doesn’t seem all that bad.

Anyway, after studying for the whole morning, I took my dog out for a walk and ran into that nice elderly man who was also walking his dog. After making some small talk he noticed the scribble on my arm. He was hard of hearing and sight due to his age, and he exclaimed in a very old-Chinese-man-way, “Wah, you have a tattoo ah!” I tried to explain the situation, but you’ve got to understand that some old people simply do not care if you’ve got logical substantiation behind your apparent illicit doings. So after many futile monosyllabic interjections of denial that I purposefully went out and illegally obtained body ink just to bring dishonour upon my family, the nice elderly man squints , made a brief compliment on my “tattoo” and hurried off, disrupting his pooch that was mid-way sniffing my dog’s crotch.

I hope he doesn’t bump into my parents anytime soon.


TL;DR: My terrible handwriting on my arm passed off as a tattoo and my dog’s horny

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Grapes

Uhh so my aunt just popped by and presented us with a gift: phallic grapes. Apparently they’re sweeter, have better texture and more health benefits? Then again, any Asian would believe that food resembling sexual organs were nutritious aphrodisiacs. Thank you, kind aunt, for considering my fertility.

grapes

Don’t mind the voracious predator prowling at the back. It’s just my gluttonous dog. Even the softest of a packet of biscuits opening will summon her furry butt.

But yeah the grapes were pretty nice. Couldn’t tell the difference from it and its non-tiny-eggplant-looking counterparts, though.

The Struggling Sim

So yeah it’s the exam period and here I am, compiling notes on the wondrous male gonads and fascinating Fallopian tubes on my over-sized Samsung desktop computer with The Sims 3 open on my precious Dell laptop, precariously perched at the edge of my cluttered desk. Oh such diligence and maturity! I am practically the quintessential candidate for scholarship providers all over the country! Ivy League, here I come!

As I was saying before the elusive rational part of my brain so rudely interrupted, I’ve recently been hooked on The Sims 3 again, and no good shall come out of it. Hours were spent and revision papers were shunned in the process of creating a virtual life.

All reality aside, I’m pissed off with EA. Either the developers were too obtuse to think of convenient gameplay, or the fact that the Sims 3 was released when I still owned a flip-phone, or I’m just a moron. Ok, in what world does a person, fry up some pancakes, sets in on the counter, and yells to the ceiling that she was hungry with a goddamn plate of food literally under her nose?? No, Sim. No “da-das” and pointing to your faceholes. Fuck, what are you, an insentient display of pixels running on code?

I crave pancakes now.

Oh hey I once drew this bear with a stack of pancakes. ohnobear2.png

I was also pretty high on last-minute homework that night. Explains the crude graffiti. On another note, Fire Alpaca is a really great and free digital art software! An exemplar of its wide range of capabilities would be the marvelous masterpiece right on the left! What a time to be alive. angstangstangstbangskeyboardohnoits2amfuck

 

 

 


TL;DR : Sold my soul to The Sims 3, ruined my future, and am excelling in artistic portrayals of flapjackvorous bears